I’ve spent the last 5 days or do, feeling like we are together again, making plans to move in together, we planned a trip to disney lass in September, I brought you roses for our old anniversary. And now that you see him for a few minutes, all that seems to mean very little. I see little good coming from him an you, and a majority of our friends feel the same. I want to say I’m better for you, but I’m biased anyway. I’m sitting here, trying to focus on work and I’m terrified down to my core of what could happen in the next few hours. I’m confident that you love me. But I don’t know if that’s enough to outweigh how you feel for him. I’m hoping things turn out for the best for us both, but I will settle for your happiness, with or without mine. I love you Emily Careful St. Martin, I love the way you make faces at me when I say you’re beautiful, the way you yawn, how you stretch out after waking up, the way you talk to Toby and play with him, your sassy sarcastic comments about things I do, the smile you give me when we first lock eyes in a room, playing footsie with you under the table and in bed, the sense of wholeness that I feel when your body is up against mine, your ring trying to stab me in the hand, the punches and karate chops you aim at me all the time, the way you jab at the radio buttons when you don’t like the music on the radio, how you send me radio stations when cute songs about us come on, your voice when you sing in the car, and 100’s of other things that I see and feel every day thy I’m with you. I don’t want to lose that, but if I have too for your sake. Then that’s how it is, and I’ll drag my half a heart along with me till I can find the same.
There is something so fulfilling in falling asleep with the girl of your dreams in your arms, and waking up with her still right next to you. Her arm is up over her head and her body barely taught from her stretched out position, and she is just so beautiful that you don’t even want to kiss her, or brush her bangs from her face, she is just so perfect right in that moment and anything I could do would lessen the purity of that moment. This moment stretches on for minutes and I lose myself in just sleepily admiring her beauty. This really be what Love is, and it’s something I never want to give up on